Binge Eating: Consumption of large amounts of food in a short period of time
Binge eating disorder (BED): is characterized by a loss of control over eating behaviors. The binge eater consumes unnaturally large amounts of food in a short time period, but unlike a bulimic, does not regularly engage in any inappropriate weight-reducing behaviors (for example, excessive exercise, vomiting, taking laxatives) following the binge episodes.
As a competitor, I am restricted from certain foods for months on end and when the season is over its like I'm a lost puppy.. no more fish or chicken? I can eat real food? like cookies,pizza,donuts? At first its “ I deserve this, I have worked so hard” then its “ I really need to stop”.
I have been in this situation twice now and told myself I would never let this happen again… it seems like an uncontrollable cycle. I know only I can control what I put in my mouth and what I eat but its not that simple. Once I start eating I just can’t stop. I work so hard and after its like something takes over me and I just can’t stop when I know I should.
Today really hit me hard, as I once again binged. I will do so well and then bam it happens again. Afterwards I feel horrible and beat myself up over it. I say I will never do it again and that was my last time, but it hasn’t stopped. I find myself in the kitchen eating out of the cereal box or eating the whole jar of peanut butter like food is never going to be here again. Its such a vicious cycle and Im scared. I know many competitors have gone or are going through this and its a horrible, scary thing.
I really thought a lot today about competing and my lifestyle. I thought to myself why do I compete? I am not healthy and through my whole prep I never really felt “healthy” or enjoyed the process. I always compared myself to others and it was a constant battle with me not thinking I’m lean enough.
I love the challenge but I think this challenge is creating something horrible.
Going from your leanest, and being shredded to having a few extra pounds on you is such a mental mind game. It can really destroy you if you let it. I know I’m far from “fat” but not looking your best is a hard adjustment. People who aren’t in the fitness world can be so cruel calling you “fat” since your not stage lean or “wow she’s gained weight” .Well duh, I can’t live with 8% BF year round as a women. I like my organs and ovaries, thank you. Sure I wish I could keep my lean body with a 6 pack, but I also want a life. I want to enjoy food, family and friends. I have turned down a lot of things since I started my journey, I wouldn’t even go to dinner or the movies because I didn’t want to temp myself with food. I am not complaining about competing or saying I will never compete again, but for right now I need to focus on my health and learn how to be healthy.
I have read many blogs lately about post competition and the struggle with binging and eating disorders. I have put things in a different perceptive after reading them and I am so happy some competitors on social media are “real” about who they are and talk about their own struggles. No matter who you are we all struggle, even the best in the fitness industry struggle. I know I can come out on top of this it will just take time. I am now reading a book to help me battle this nasty cycle. Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hansen
I hope to one day find a good balance with life and my fitness journey but for right now I need to work on myself and not worry about competing in shows.
I need to be healthy mentally as much as physically.
I hope to come out stronger and on top on this monster I have created and help other women who are struggling with the same self made monster.
