As for most of you know I competed in my first NPC bikini competition August 9th. This blog is a little late but better late then never right? This blog is about my experiences of competing. Hope you all enjoy it:]
DOUBTS
Going into this I compared myself to every other girl on social media (competitors). I was inspired but I also doubted myself all the time. Am i going to be ready for this? Do I even have a chance? What about my boobs? and the list goes on and on... and yes I said what about my boobs because lets be honest here when fitness competitors lean out there is no way your boobs are staying. I lost mine completely! Thats why most competitors have implants and since I don't I was nervous it would hurt me. Sounds silly but its the truth. I doubted myself and never got my hopes to high since this was my first show. This isn't just about the abs or muscles you have to show off, its way more then that! You are judge by your hair,makeup, posing, body, attitude basically everything. Posing is one of the main things judges look at and judge you by. You might have an amazing body but if your posing is off it could ruin everything. I practiced literally all the time and would spend an extra hour at the gym until I got my posing on point! I would record myself and look at what I needed to improve.
Last weeks of prep
By the last month of my prep it was getting down to the nitty gritty! I was tired, cranky, emotional and just wanted to step on stage. I actually wished this whole experience away to be 100% honest. I busted my ass and was running on barley any carbs and doing mass amounts of cardio every day. The last two weeks were the toughest. I then started water pills and depleting and doing 40mins fasted every day with 40 more mins of cardio each day. I could barley get out of bed let alone lift weights. I started to really sit back and think if all this was worth it. I spent all summer with no life, I sheltered myself from everything and everyone. I couldn't even go out to dinner because I would get really depressed and cry about the things I wanted to eat. I even walked into the mall to shop one day and had to walk past the food court and had to leave because I had a mental breakdown. Sounds really stupid but its the truth. This sport is such a mental game its ridiculous. By the time I stepped on stage I wanted it over with, all I could think about were the donuts I was about to destroy when I stepped off stage. People would ask me "are you excited?" and I would reply I'm excited to eat!! I was no longer excited about this journey or what I would place, I just wanted it over to enjoy life again.
The big day
It was finally here the day I have been waiting for since April! To be honest I wasn't nervous at all, I was just ready! The night before my show I checked in with my coaches at the hotel to do posing and just to see where I stood, and they couldn't believe how I looked. Joe told me I would have one of the best waist at the show hands down. After hearing that I felt relief and ready to take the stage no matter what happened. I thought I would compare myself at the show to all the other girls and get discouraged but I didn't, I was so focused on myself and having a good mind set. The stage is nerve-racking lets be honest.. you get up in front of everyone and you have a panel of judges obviously judging you and you have about 15 seconds to show off all your hard work you've done for the past months. YES 15 seconds!! I just kept telling myself you have 15 seconds to rock this, there is no time to be nervous. My hair, makeup and tan were done.. It's the moment I've worked so hard for, its time to go show it off. As I'm standing in line waiting to go on stage for my open class, I started to get butterflies and shake.. but I just kept saying 15 seconds, 15 seconds. I went on stage, I didn't trip in my heels, I didn't fall, I felt I rocked it!! I felt so happy with my posing and my appearance. Waiting for all the other girls in my class to finish, it was time they started calling out 1st call outs. They called 3 girls out then they said my number 35! I didn't even know what to do I was so excited to just get first call outs at my first show. They then compared us 5 girls and moved us around.. The judges then said 32 and 35 switch, I look down and I was in the square box.. FRONT AND CENTER!!! I couldn't believe it, I had tears in my eyes. For my first show I was so unbelievably proud of my accomplishments. I then went on stage for my second class, novice. The same thing happened, FRONT AND CENTER. I got off stage and i couldn't believe this was happening. "Is this real life?" I kept saying. I didn't know for sure if I had placed first until finals later that night. After pre-judging I went donut shopping:] God I couldn't wait to eat everything and anything! I went back for finals and took the stage again. And I DID IT! First place in both open and novice! I was so excited and so proud! I received 2 trophies and a crown but that didn't matter as much as the head judge telling me he couldn't believe this was my first show and I have so much potential. I literally cried and was so humble about this whole experience.
Post Show
After my show as you all know by now I couldn't wait to eat! When I got off stage i shoved cookies, brownies, gummy bears in my mouth and to be honest I don't even think I tasted them. I wanted cheesecake factory to celebrate this amazing experience, but by the time we got there I was so sick from all the sugar I already consumed I couldn't even eat. I was miserable! I hear competitors talking about binge eating after shows and how some gain 20 pounds in a month. I told myself that will never be me and that will not happen! Well guys it did happen, I was so restricted for months of sugars and food that once I started I couldn't stop. I would eat so much until I literally would have to throw up. I would feel miserable and then get really depressed because everything I worked so hard for was going right down the drain. I gained about 12 pounds in 2 weeks and I knew I needed to stop. Easier said then done, trust me. I started a journal and wrote how I felt each day, what my goals were and why I started this journey in the first place. It really helped me focus and come to realize food isn't everything. I eat for satisfaction of taste for about a couple minutes but my hard work I put into this took months. Why would I want to completely destroy all of that. I decided I needed a change, I needed to find a little balance in my life and to not be so restricted on prep so I wouldn't go through another binge post show. I also want to enjoy this experience and not feel so restricted not only of food but life! So I decided to get another coach and after looking into many I think I found the right one. My prep feels like a piece of cake. I do what I love and thats lift heavy and eat! Okay I don't eat junk but healthy whole foods and I get a cheat meal a week which I find extremely important! I don't call it a cheat meal I call it a keeping me sane meal. I am no longer restricted of sodium, artificial sweeteners or dairy. I feel happy and extremely healthy unlike my last prep.
Whats next?
I will be competing November 1st in Sacramento and then I will be competing for my Pro Card at Nationals in Miami November 22nd. I plan on bringing a completely different package to the stage with a whole different mind set then just wishing this experience away.
Stay tuned :]
